Third Journey - He ain't heavy... He's my jaguar

This was to be my 16th Cup of Ayahuasca. Before we all assembled in the cabana where the ceremony was to take place I had the sudden urge to play some music from my mobile. I listened to 'Return To Innocence' by Enigma, a particular fave of mine as the words relate to me. I then played 'Rooms On Fire' by Stevie Nicks. A friend who was with me liked the song as it reminded her of her daughter. I joked that I shouldn't play 'I Predict A Riot' by The Kaiser Chiefs as it was not the right time. She agreed with a giggle.

At the start of this ceremony I could see that a lot of my friends were tired, some didn't want to drink and some were a little apprehensive. Anyway we all did and once the Aya had taken us to wherever she had taken us my journey began

I didn't see any swirling colours or strange faces this time only blackness. My head felt heavy and I was inbetween spaces. I was here yet not here. I was in a space between this world and another, yet I was aware of what was happening here. I sat up on my mat and there was no energy, no atmosphere, nothing. I was outside looking in. It was like I had died and was in a space between the living and the dead.

I felt a jaguar on my back and he put his paws on my shoulders, he was so heavy. His paws were very big. I could feel him trying to bite my head but he gave up after a while. It didn't hurt either. He was going to stay with me and I knew this was to make me strong. I started to gently claw down the blanket over my legs with both hands. It felt comforting to do this and so right.

After a while I went outside, the jaguar had gone. I was standing up against one of the pillars and I was on guard. I felt I had to guard. One of the others came walking towards me in a bright red blanket swinging a bottle that was lit up. He said it was a magic bottle! I later wondered how I had seen the colour red in the dark as I saw him from a distance

He put the bottle on the ground and another of the men kept walking up to it, pointing at it and laughing! It felt like I was in some sort of comedy show and I started to laugh with them, but I was still outside looking in. I was with them but not with them

I suddenly felt it was time to go, so I went back to my mat and fell asleep. When I woke up there was food on offer and as we had fasted all day I was hungry. I tried to get up but it felt like I had been whacked round the head with a cricket bat. I was dazed and weak. It felt like I had been somewhere else and had returned

I have been in that space between this life and the next. We do not die, we move on to another place. There is no God, there is no heaven, there is no hell, just another place we go to

And I promise you there is nothing to fear

Second Journey - Andy the Lion Heart

The start of my second journey was a bit of an arse-kicking. Once the Aya had kicked in I started to see swirling colours and strange faces. I had asked the Shaman the day before who they were and he said they were people from other dimensions. The first time this happened it made me feel dizzy and my head hurt and I tolerated it, but this time each time my head felt it was going to burst, I opened my eyes and it went away only to return again when I closed my eyes. After doing this a few times a voice said 'You are pathetic!' when I had my eyes closed. So I opened them and the voice said it again and it was not pleased. 'You are pathetic, what do you want? To write your own script? Do you want to choose what you see? Do you want a list of Ayahuasca journeys you can choose from? Who the hell do you think you are? I was being kicked under my back and it bloody hurt! I sat up and lit a cigarette feeling very small and humble, thinking 'What was that for?' I knew damn well what it was for, it was for being a little shit

The princess came and told me to look for that inner strength, the one we women have deep down inside. She had said this before to me but she came and said it again. I asked what I should do about the people who had made my life a misery for the past year, how do I handle it I asked. My grandfather only has one sister left and she is approaching 90 years old now and I saw her. Yet it was her husband who had passed away two years ago who came and told me that if it was hurting me to walk away from it, those who have done wrong will surely get their just deserts he said

A man came who I did not know, and we were standing outside a grey house which looked like a mill. He said he once lived there and that he was a painter. I thought maybe he was one of my ancestors. He said someone had followed him to Herefordshire.  My sister lives there so perhaps it is her. I asked him who he was but he just said what he had to say ignoring my questions and pointing at the house, then he disappeared

When people come to you when you are on an Aya journey you tend to ask questions but don't always receive a reply. It's more about listening than speaking and sometimes you just listen because you know that is what you have to do. I have stood before gigantic Shamans and just knew I had to shut up and listen!

A jaguar came into the cabana, walked all the way around and then disappeared. I don't know where he went. I went outside and one of the men was staring at the fire, he was putting his hands into it and withdrawing them very slowly, like he was seeing how long he could hold each one there before it felt too hot. I was sitting outside watching him for a while and was aware that out in the grass, animals were watching him too. Lots of them. I knew they were there

I went to sit on a chair outside, and was sitting there very quietly when I heard a low cat-like growl. I froze and my heart started thumping. I thought maybe it was the jaguar that had come back, and I had just heard the noise in my head. Then it happened again, and by this time it seemed really close to where I was sitting. I started to get a bit nervous. I remembered that Oswaldo had told us a day or two earlier the difference between the noise of a puma and the noise of a jaguar. This was neither. Then there was an almighty roar and I shot off my chair and scarpered to my mat. It turned out it was my friend who was at one of the back fences roaring his heart out! The same friend who had been playing with the fire with the animals watching him

A porcupine decided to come and visit us that night, he was wandering around outside the toilets, scaring anyone who thought he wasn't real

Once again, a few of us sat round the fire and just enjoyed each others company without saying much, until we all eventually came back into The Matrix

First Journey - The White Wolf Spirit

I was invited to go back to Brazil in August this year, my friends had built a house there and had decided to have a house warming which involved Ayahuasca ceremonies! We stayed at a place close by called Pousada Do Parque owned by Oswaldo Murad. It was a lovely place.

This was to be my first Ayahuasca ceremony for a long time, and I was a bit nervous as to how the plant would treat me after so long. A lot of things had happened in my life that I was told would happen and I would face difficult challenges. I overcame them and now it was time to go back to the plant and see what she would make of me. My life had changed, I had changed, but was it for the better?

Most of the group had drank before and there was only one lady who hadn't, but she was very brave and joined us. It takes courage to drink Ayahuasca, and it doesn't matter how many times you drink it, it still does. The reason it takes courage is because she shows you yourself. You may not like what you see or hear or learn, but you have to completely let go of any fear and ego, and be prepared to go through pain, even die if necessary to be healed and awakened. Of course not all journeys are like that, sometimes your journey is very peaceful and calm but other times it isn't. Each time is so different.

The people I was drinking with were lovely people, and there was a great atmosphere and lots of friendliness around. We were a family.

After I had drank I lay down on my mat and the Shaman began playing his music and singing. I saw swirling colours and strange faces, some were a bit scary and I was a bit scared as this was very intense. The colours were making me feel sick. My head hurt and the roof of the cabana was bouncing up and down very hard and loudly like it was going to fly off at any given moment. The noise was so loud! As this was going on, my right ankle was being massaged and it was like someone was bouncing it up and down. I had fallen down a divot earlier and wrenched it. The pain went away

I thought I as going to be sick so got up and I could walk without limping. I went outside and bent over with my arms across my tummy, with my legs straight wanting to heave. I wasn't sick because a gust of wind blew me backwards and I landed on my arse. The wind felt so cold on my face it made me feel so awake and the nausea went away. There was no gust of wind, there were only slight breezes all week, but I know what I felt. Then I saw a friend who I hadn't seen for a long while who has chosen not to speak to me anymore. I held out my hand to him, but he walked away from me and disappeared. That made me sad

I then saw the princess standing by the fire, she was in a wedding dress and she was looking at the stars. This made me smile. She always comes at some point or another, and she was holding a packet of crisps in her right hand close to her dress

I sat down on the floor with my blanket round me looking at the stars. A voice told me to look at them and how beautiful they were. I felt so small and insignificant. A little dot in a big universe. I felt so unimportant sitting there with the night sky, trees and nature all around me. I went back inside and lay down again. I was next to the Shaman's wife and her children. She was sitting up, the children were fast asleep beside her on their mats, then she started playing a metal drum with her fingers. She was oozing warmth and peace. As she sat there she turned into the most beautiful white wolf. I saw the fur on her back and felt her maternal protection. She was on guard. I curled round her back and felt so safe and warm. I was part of the pack. I was a lone lame wolf, an outsider, but she had accepted me as one of her own and allowed me to lay with her children. I was told that even though some of us are without parents and have been outcast in some way or another, there is always someone who will accept us for what we are and allow us into their lives.

Three white wolves appeared over the children's heads. they were sitting in a sphinx-like position. Her daughter turned towards me in her sleep and out of her chest came a white wolf's head. None of these wolves were aggressive in any way, alert but not bad and it felt they were there for protection and togetherness. A pack togetherness

I looked towards the roof and white wolves came down from it, like they were walking down stairs very quietly and slowly, except there were no stairs. they disappeared when they reached the floor

I went outside again and an energy was whizzing round the cabana very fast and making a buzzing sound. Four Native North American Indian Chiefs came, but only the end one on the right spoke. 'I'm here again, ' I said. 'Yes we know,' he said. 'Have I let you down?' said I. 'No you have not let us down, but try to be a better person and remember what we have taught you' I said I would. Then they left

I started to cry, and it felt like I was getting out all the pain of the last year or so when I had to face the deceivers who had come into my life. I now know it was a test of my strength and tenacity. A path set out for me to walk, so that I would be wiser and stronger and able to see inside people for what they really are before they do any damage. I was being prepared then, I can do it now. I am a mirror and I can see your true reflection

Ayahuasca can make you cry. She's got me a few times I can tell you. It is one way of purging. Some purge by being sick, others by running to the loo, some both. Crying is another way of getting rid of baggage and ego. Never be ashamed to cry as long as it is for the right reasons. It is a normal reaction for a compassionate person to go to someone who is purging by crying after drinking Aya. That person can do nothing. It is for you to deal with alone, no-one can help you. You don't want anyone to help you. The only time you are truly alone is when you are on your Ayahuasca journey, I hope we have the courage to walk the walk she has planned for us

I went and sat by the fire watching it dance with a few of the others. No-one said very much, they didn't need to. One of the ladies once said this ... 'A true friend is someone with whom you can sit with, but none of you have to say a word to each other. They are there with you, and you just know they are a true friend'

How true that is ...

Brazil September 2009 - Susie in the Valley of the Deceivers

Another trip to The Heart of the Initiate Workshop in Brazil and another 3 journeys after drinking Ayahuasca. The final one was my 13th journey

Before I went on this trip I was plagued with nightmares of demons. My personal and working life was plagued with upheaval and distress and I needed answers ....

Thank you to my friend CP for the title!!

1st Journey - Who Is The Greatest Deceiver?

My first journey was all about deception. I got the distinct message that all around me was falseness and deception. I was given a lot of questions ....

Was someone there for the right reasons or were they there out of fear of saying 'No' ...

Was someone there because they thought they were someone and wanted to show off their ego ....

Was someone there to learn about the plant or were they there to sample what they thought was a drug they hadn't tried ...

Was someone just tolerating others to look 'nice' whereas in other circumstances they would not give them the time of day ....

Was someone just telling others what they wanted to hear instead of the truth ...

Was someone hoping for something to happen to them because they thought that because they drank Ayahuasca they were some form of super hero ...

Was someone trying to deceive the others in the group for their own gain ...

Were there liars and cheats among us ....

And me, was I there because I wanted to learn more or because I thought I too was a super hero?

A demon appeared walking down the steps of a pyramid. The steps were on the outside, he was wearing a crown. He stabbed me through the heart with a dagger saying "Who is the greatest deceiver?" It hurt a bit I can tell you

After he had decided to hurt me, I again kept hearing statements. I was told about how vanity can make us look ugly. How greed can make us look stupid, how selfishness can make us look hideous and how ego can make us look a fool.

I was also told a few of my own faults as well and I took a long look at myself

I was told we cannot be involved in any deception to be free, we have to be as genuine as we can and be as honest as we can. We should not deceive ourselves and others. We should not live our lives to look good to others, but for ourselves

I saw two of my friends in rooms full of mirrors and they were looking at themselves. I was told that you do not just look at what is in front of your face, but rather what is beyond that, and you must not try to see something that is not there.

I saw a lady of our group smiling in a cameo on the front of a jewelled box. The box opened and a jewelled crown came floating upwards out of it. The crown shattered into tiny pieces and was destroyed

We should have the courage to drink the Ayahuasca without wanting all our expectations to be met. We cannot write the script, we cannot write our own journey, we cannot tell the plant what we want, but rather accept the gifts she gives us. Accept what we see on our journeys for our own knowledge and healing

The lesson I learned was that we cannot have everything we want, but if we go to the plant with an open heart she will give us what we need, not what we demand of her

I thought Ayahuasca had taught me all I needed to know ..... Wrong!

The upheaval I experienced in the weeks in the run up to this trip happened to show me deception, when I got there I saw deception and in my journey the demon of deception showed himself as the ruler over me. He appeared to show me the hurt deception causes

I was told by a beautiful lady that our tribe is all right as long as we are prepared to learn and not decide for ourselves what is the beginning or the end. She said we are not the ones to decide. She said this as she waved at me before she disappeared, smiling

I know nothing, I am nothing and she showed me I know nothing. I deceived myself into thinking I was some sort of super hero and I got my arse kicked ....

However, once that was over I saw a lady who I call 'Princess' She gave me a pink rose and reminded me that I knew where it was from. She asked me to give it to her husband who was journeying close by. I said I couldn't at that moment as he was lying down on a journey but she insisted. I said I was a bit dubious to go over to him as I may frighten him, so she said I had to promise to give it to him when he awoke. I said I would, and I did.

2nd Journey - The King Has Lost His Crown

On my second journey a lady kept appearing and kissing me on the face saying "Do not be afraid Susie" Then the same demon came wearing the crown. He again was coming down the steps of the pyramid. He had the same dagger in his hand and he came to stab me right through the heart again. A Shaman came and shot the demon through the heart with a bow and arrow. He then put his nose on mine before he changed into a white jaguar and I could feel the fur on my face. He was such a beautiful animal until he ripped my face off and it felt like the real me was being exposed

My teeth started chattering uncontrollably and I could feel fangs growing in my mouth. I knew I had a furry face and I could smell the trees, grass and everything around me, even the people. I could hear for miles and could hear the flies and mosquitos on the beach which was a fair way away. I started to make the noises a big cat would make and could not stop myself from doing it. I was a jaguar and it felt fantastic. My senses were so heightened and the Shaman told me I was as strong as the jaguar

I kept making the hissing and spitting noises for a while longer. After the journey when we were having some soup, one of the ladies in the group said she kept hearing a cat like noise and it woke her up. She started laughing when I said it was me. Then she said that she was laughing because the man next to her kept getting up wondering where the noise was coming from as it woke him up too. I stopped doing it for a while and he went back into his journey, but I started doing it again and he woke up with a start saying "Oh for fuck's sake!"

After that I saw an very old native South American lady smoking a pipe with a long holder. She smiled at me and said "Welcome" She then turned into a very old Tibetan Shaman who also smiled at me and said "I have something to tell you" I asked what it was, and he said " You will remember me when you see it" Then he disappeared

Charming, I thought ....

I woke up not long after that and went for a walk. I could not stop myself curling up into a ball and I still felt like I had the heart and strength of the jaguar ready to do battle

3rd Journey - Who Do You Think You Are ??

After my first journey, which had left me feeling like a worthless piece of rag, it suddenly dawned on me that I had gone to Brazil thinking I knew who I was. After this journey, I now knew who I was not. This was the thirteenth time I had drank the medicine and in past journeys I had literally had my ego, vanity, pride and impatience kicked out of me, yet I had obviously not learnt from it so the plant decided to give me a reminder

I was not some great Ayahuasquera, I was not someone special, I was not some super hero because I had drank Ayahuasca so many times. My ego was shattered into little pieces and I had been smacked round the back of the head for even thinking I was someone who had got the message

During the week I saw vanity, I saw selfishness, I saw anger and I saw fear. I saw doubt, ego, greed and jealousy. They were put in front of me for a reason, to make me aware of these emotions and what harm they can do, and how stupid they make you look

The plant did everything she could to knock these things out of me. I was run over by a train, smacked round the face, attacked by demons and snakes slithered all round me. Incidentally, one of the other men in the group had also been run over by a train in his journey on the same night. He asked if anyone had seen the train crash, he had been run over by it first too. I said I had, it was like it ran over you and then crashed

After that, I kept seeing religious icons. Matt was at my left side laughing, I asked why I was being shown these things as I am not a religious person. Matt carried on laughing. His friend was standing in front of him and each time an icon of Mary carrying baby Jesus appeared or an angel or Jesus on the cross, he pulled the picture away saying "That is an illusion." I was getting a bit frustrated and kept saying, "What do you want me to look at then?" But he kept doing it and Matt kept laughing. I used to be religious and it was like my head was being emptied of all the teachings about religion I had ever put into it

I fell into a deep sleep after that and woke up seven and a half hours later feeling like I had been in some sort of coma. However, I did feel that I had been given the message that the things we are taught in this world are not always true, the religious teachings we are taught are illusions, our heads are stuffed full of so much crap it is hard to empty your head of it. The visions we see under Ayahuasca are also illusions. They are not real, they are there to teach us just as the religion we learnt at school tried to teach us. The plant uses an illusion to show you your faults, your true nature and uses illusions to show you the real truth, not what people want you to believe or what you want to believe yourself

We are born with no ego, vanity, selfishness, doubt, anger or greed. It is only during our lives we collect these things. We are not the important human beings we think we are, we have wrecked our brains thinking we know everything, control everything and own everything. We think we can do and have what we want, we are the nastiest animal on this planet and the sad thing is, it is very true. We want all our own way even when we know we are wrong

As I sit here 3 days later I still feel like I am in a daze. I reflect on all the bad things I have ever done in my life and I am truly sorry. As a tribe we have made a complete arse of everything. We went to the plant thinking we were special and wanted our own way, we wanted to control her. We took part in deception, even though the plant showed us deception before we went to Brazil in the form of actions by others, and deception in the people who were there. We did not listen, we did not see and carried on thinking we could control everything. We have been so wrong

We have had access to the greatest plant teacher on the earth used for centuries by the ancients, abused it and learned nothing ....

Brazil - March 2009

This visit to the Heart of the Initiate Workshop in Brazil was not a usual workshop week. There were to be three Ayahuasca ceremonies and that was all. None of the other workshop activities were to take place, no sharings, no lectures, no Lakota Indian ceremonies and no opening or closing circle ceremonies.

This had a definite impact on the week as I will explain later and I was with the usual tribe with whom I had drank Ayahuasca before

First Journey - The Female of the Species

It took a while for anything to happen on my first journey as there was no 'white noise' no feeling of nausea or rumblings in the tummy. I closed my eyes and lay down on my mat waiting for my journey to begin. Some people had only drank a little, some the normal amount the Shaman gives you and others as much as they liked! However, I did get the feeling that some were not enthusiastic about drinking Ayahuasca for their own reasons.

The Shaman was playing his music and singing, I listened to the Shaman for a while and after what seemed like an age I found myself in a bright green jungle with trees and brightly coloured flowers all around, reds, yellows, blues etc. The grass was so lush and green. A lioness came right up to my face and she was beautiful, yet I sensed her power. She looked into my eyes, turned and walked away. Next came a black female jaguar, her green eyes stared into mine as she too walked away. I then saw in succession an owl, a turtle and a monkey. The lioness kept returning to me.

All female
All mothers

I looked down at the grass beneath me, all was quiet and a lady's hand came up from the grass with her fingers outstretched. She beckoned me to put my left hand to hers which I did. As soon as I had done this her fingers interlocked with mine and I felt her warmth.

Mother Earth

Next I was riding a white animal, I do not know what kind of animal it was just that it was furry and had little ears and a wide head. It was strong and powerful, and quite large as my legs were stretched out on her back. She took me towards a bright yellow light, as bright as the sun.

My next visions were of native American Indians which decided to appear on the roof of the cabana we were in. There were both male and female. The roof of the maloca then opened up like a trap door, first the right door then the left. I could now see all the stars and the night sky. Bright white lights appeared on the roof of the cabana. They were rod shaped and moving down the beams towards the corner where the Shaman was. If any of you have ever burned magnesium in chemistry class, you will understand how bright they were. I once into trouble at school for setting fire to a whole coil of the stuff which is how I remember it. I got detention for wasting the school's resources. I also used to hot up empty test tubes on the Bunsen Burner and put them back into the wooden racks as well. I got away with that for ages until one day Peter Gawkrodger spoilt it for me, and decide to faint in class holding two fingers up, as I was heating my latest weapon.

I gazed at the stars for ages and I could feel that the natives were still with me. I could feel their presence, although they did not speak to me. It was a very happy feeling and atmosphere. However, I was aware of the others who by now had come out of their journeys and I could hear them talking and walking around.

I saw my husband standing next to a drain which was half moon shaped and grey. He had his back to me wearing a beige jacket and a panama hat. The drain was to his left and a blue bottle with a hexagonal base was in the drain lying on its side. The bottom of the bottle was broken from the main part and the edges were all jagged. I sensed much sadness from this sight and saw tears.

I was also shown that the reason the lioness kept returning to me was because the lioness is the one who keeps the pride together, if she didn't the pride would not survive. The lioness is the most sociable of the big cats as she works within a team, whilst other female big cats work alone.

To me this was symbolic of the fact that our tribe must be kept together or we are not going to survive.

Sounds cheesy I know, but if something is shown to me, how the hell can I ignore it??

I staggered down to the cabana for something to eat and a drink and was met by some of the tribe sat in chairs looking very dismal. There was an air of disappointment as they had neither seen or heard anything on their journeys. I was wondering if it was because some of us had our minds on other things, did not want to drink or just something that was meant to be.

The day after, I asked the Shaman via his assistant who can speak English, why he thought some people had seen nothing. He replied that some had not drank enough to see anything, and some had not allowed the plant to do her job, but had rather questioned or held back from her.

I hoped the next ceremony would be different

Second Journey - Down the Rabbit Hole ??

I embarked on my second journey a lot quicker than the first. I was pinned down to my mat, and was shown a swirling vortex of bright colours. I kept asking questions such as 'What is this?' and 'What is that?' and 'Why do I have to see this?' I could sense that someone was getting a little irate with me and telling me not to ask so many questions but just 'Let go of yourself and we will take care of you'

That was a little funny because I had a conversation earlier in the day with one of the younger members of the tribe as he was having trouble with the 'letting go' thing, as he had received no visions on the first journey so I was asking him to try his best and he will journey. Now here was I, having the same problem myself.

As I was not paying attention a voice appeared that I did recognise. It was that of my friend and he told me, in a nice way, everything was going to be all right and, 'Now shut up and listen, nothing bad is going to happen to you, it's OK' I did as I was told.

After seeing numerous beautiful ladies of all races, I was taken to a lady who looked a bit like Cleopatra with the Egyptian style eye make up and hair but she had a green face. She held out her hand and a black hole opened up next to her. 'How deep do you want to go Susie?' she said. I was not frightened by this but something made me turn and walk away. On doing this I was met by some small demon like people who gently held my outstretched arms and led me back to the black hole. Down I went and I knew I was going to another world.

On reflection, it must have looked like that Spielberg film called Close Encounters, where the aliens take hold of the volunteers with outstretched arms and lead them into their space ship. Nice, but a scary type of nice.

I was put onto a table in darkness and something was put on my tongue which pressed it down into the floor of my mouth. The time for speaking had come to an end. A strange looking man was looking into my eyes, he had a large head, which looked like an upside down raindrop shape, and a dark green face. I just accepted this situation. It was uncomfortable but all the time I could see the faces of the rest of the tribe with me and I knew I was safe.

I felt a dull ache under my left breast, but nothing painful and I saw a clean vertical cut there in my mind. Something was gently dragged out. My lungs appeared before my eyes complete with trachea and a lady's hands were around them, she was moulding them and rubbing them slowly. It felt like I could not breathe at all but I was alive. All I could feel was the dull ache and my tongue being pressed down and my mouth so dry. I woke up after I was told I was 'OK now' and I was breathing very heavily. I lay down again as I felt so weak.

After a spell of staring at the roof thinking about what had just happened, there was the sound of grunting like some wild pig would make and I struggled to sit up, wondering what the hell was going on. The noise was so loud and was coming from the corner to my right of the cabana we were in. I heard this pig rustle through the bushes at the back of it, and noticed my friend was sitting up and kept turning his head to the right as though he too could hear it. I was going to go over to him and ask if he could hear what I was hearing but was too weak to do so. Besides he may have thought I was crazy. I even heard this pig foraging in the leaves on the ground.

The morning after, I was at the breakfast table and my friend asked if anyone had heard the pig last night. I had already told my husband I had heard this pig and I nearly fell off my chair with surprise, as we had both heard the exact same thing. My friend even mentioned it was at the back of him in the bushes. However, the strange thing was, no-one else had.

I mentioned this to the Shaman the day after and asked if he had heard the pig. He said he had not and neither had his assistant, but if it came again on the last ceremony I was to tell him. It didn't. He also said that there was a wild jungle pig in South American countries, but they are very rare to be seen next to tropical beaches which is where our cabana was!

The day after I felt like I was recovering from a medical operation. I was weak, sleepy, breathless and drained of all energy. It took ages to wear off. It felt like I was recovering from some major trauma, yet I was in no pain and felt peaceful.

I started to wonder if what had happened to me was a healing or a warning. Was it the case that there was something in my lungs that the plant had healed, or was it a wake up call to ditch my nicotine addiction?

Did she give me a new set of lungs as the old ones were knackered or did she show me the damage I was doing to myself?

Were lung transplants possible under Ayahuasca in another dimension?
Do you have to go there to get one?
How did my friend know it was OK?
Was he directed to take me there?

I was driving myself mad asking myself all these questions, but have decided to accept that what I saw and felt was real