3rd Journey - Who Do You Think You Are ??

After my first journey, which had left me feeling like a worthless piece of rag, it suddenly dawned on me that I had gone to Brazil thinking I knew who I was. After this journey, I now knew who I was not. This was the thirteenth time I had drank the medicine and in past journeys I had literally had my ego, vanity, pride and impatience kicked out of me, yet I had obviously not learnt from it so the plant decided to give me a reminder

I was not some great Ayahuasquera, I was not someone special, I was not some super hero because I had drank Ayahuasca so many times. My ego was shattered into little pieces and I had been smacked round the back of the head for even thinking I was someone who had got the message

During the week I saw vanity, I saw selfishness, I saw anger and I saw fear. I saw doubt, ego, greed and jealousy. They were put in front of me for a reason, to make me aware of these emotions and what harm they can do, and how stupid they make you look

The plant did everything she could to knock these things out of me. I was run over by a train, smacked round the face, attacked by demons and snakes slithered all round me. Incidentally, one of the other men in the group had also been run over by a train in his journey on the same night. He asked if anyone had seen the train crash, he had been run over by it first too. I said I had, it was like it ran over you and then crashed

After that, I kept seeing religious icons. Matt was at my left side laughing, I asked why I was being shown these things as I am not a religious person. Matt carried on laughing. His friend was standing in front of him and each time an icon of Mary carrying baby Jesus appeared or an angel or Jesus on the cross, he pulled the picture away saying "That is an illusion." I was getting a bit frustrated and kept saying, "What do you want me to look at then?" But he kept doing it and Matt kept laughing. I used to be religious and it was like my head was being emptied of all the teachings about religion I had ever put into it

I fell into a deep sleep after that and woke up seven and a half hours later feeling like I had been in some sort of coma. However, I did feel that I had been given the message that the things we are taught in this world are not always true, the religious teachings we are taught are illusions, our heads are stuffed full of so much crap it is hard to empty your head of it. The visions we see under Ayahuasca are also illusions. They are not real, they are there to teach us just as the religion we learnt at school tried to teach us. The plant uses an illusion to show you your faults, your true nature and uses illusions to show you the real truth, not what people want you to believe or what you want to believe yourself

We are born with no ego, vanity, selfishness, doubt, anger or greed. It is only during our lives we collect these things. We are not the important human beings we think we are, we have wrecked our brains thinking we know everything, control everything and own everything. We think we can do and have what we want, we are the nastiest animal on this planet and the sad thing is, it is very true. We want all our own way even when we know we are wrong

As I sit here 3 days later I still feel like I am in a daze. I reflect on all the bad things I have ever done in my life and I am truly sorry. As a tribe we have made a complete arse of everything. We went to the plant thinking we were special and wanted our own way, we wanted to control her. We took part in deception, even though the plant showed us deception before we went to Brazil in the form of actions by others, and deception in the people who were there. We did not listen, we did not see and carried on thinking we could control everything. We have been so wrong

We have had access to the greatest plant teacher on the earth used for centuries by the ancients, abused it and learned nothing ....