Third Journey - He ain't heavy... He's my jaguar

This was to be my 16th Cup of Ayahuasca. Before we all assembled in the cabana where the ceremony was to take place I had the sudden urge to play some music from my mobile. I listened to 'Return To Innocence' by Enigma, a particular fave of mine as the words relate to me. I then played 'Rooms On Fire' by Stevie Nicks. A friend who was with me liked the song as it reminded her of her daughter. I joked that I shouldn't play 'I Predict A Riot' by The Kaiser Chiefs as it was not the right time. She agreed with a giggle.

At the start of this ceremony I could see that a lot of my friends were tired, some didn't want to drink and some were a little apprehensive. Anyway we all did and once the Aya had taken us to wherever she had taken us my journey began

I didn't see any swirling colours or strange faces this time only blackness. My head felt heavy and I was inbetween spaces. I was here yet not here. I was in a space between this world and another, yet I was aware of what was happening here. I sat up on my mat and there was no energy, no atmosphere, nothing. I was outside looking in. It was like I had died and was in a space between the living and the dead.

I felt a jaguar on my back and he put his paws on my shoulders, he was so heavy. His paws were very big. I could feel him trying to bite my head but he gave up after a while. It didn't hurt either. He was going to stay with me and I knew this was to make me strong. I started to gently claw down the blanket over my legs with both hands. It felt comforting to do this and so right.

After a while I went outside, the jaguar had gone. I was standing up against one of the pillars and I was on guard. I felt I had to guard. One of the others came walking towards me in a bright red blanket swinging a bottle that was lit up. He said it was a magic bottle! I later wondered how I had seen the colour red in the dark as I saw him from a distance

He put the bottle on the ground and another of the men kept walking up to it, pointing at it and laughing! It felt like I was in some sort of comedy show and I started to laugh with them, but I was still outside looking in. I was with them but not with them

I suddenly felt it was time to go, so I went back to my mat and fell asleep. When I woke up there was food on offer and as we had fasted all day I was hungry. I tried to get up but it felt like I had been whacked round the head with a cricket bat. I was dazed and weak. It felt like I had been somewhere else and had returned

I have been in that space between this life and the next. We do not die, we move on to another place. There is no God, there is no heaven, there is no hell, just another place we go to

And I promise you there is nothing to fear