Brazil 2008 - Lessons to be learned

I was given another chance to go to the Heart Of The Initiate Workshop in Brazil in September. There were to be three Ayahuasca Ceremonies in the week I was there.

I managed two....

Before I actually went to this workshop this time I was having dreams that I was in for a bit of a rough ride. All my last journeys had been so gentle and it seemed I was getting a message of, "Right lady, I have been very gentle with you so far, now is the time for you to see for yourself who you really are"

Read on .........

My First Journey - Snakes & Demons

My first journey began with a feeling of fear and panic. I was confronted by various demons of various colours and horrible faces holding snakes of all shapes and sizes. One decided to put a blue snake up my right nostril which then ran amok in my head, and I felt every squiggle. All this time I was struggling to breathe and decided that this was what it must feel like to die. With a pounding heart I decided not to call the Shaman as I thought it was best that I see what I was meant to see.

The Shaman arrived as The Jaguar, he jumped right into my journey, looked at me and faded away. Such a beautiful animal.

I had no need to call the Shaman as my next vision was one of seeing him in a beautiful place with trees, flowers, grass and rivers. He was sitting cross legged on the grass playing his drums. He began to shift all over the place like he was in a square television screen. It was like he was moving between dimensions. Sometimes he was near to my face, others he was far away. At one point he was so small I could not see him and then he disappeared and it was pitch black, and the music stopped. It went deathly silent.

I was getting very panicky now in the darkness as I was blind, deaf and speechless. I was waving my arms around trying to cry out for help, thinking "Where was the music?" I knew I had to go to the music for help. A bright avenue of trees opened up and I ran down it, past the trees and it was all bright and I could hear the music again. I felt so relieved, I started to cry.

I was transported back in time to some medieval castle walls where I saw military guards carrying machine guns. They had reptilian heads and I was told by the whispering lady that they control everything and they have been around for a very long time. I saw an ancient prison with dungeons, and they were walking up and down in it. I heard the clanking doors behind me as I walked through

I heard the lady singing and she whispered my name into my left ear. Her voice was lovely and she made me feel very safe. She picked me up in her arms and I felt really loved. In my other ear was the singing of a Shaman, and not the one that was with us, with a very deep voice. He was singing the familiar "Way-ay-ay-ay" I had first heard him before in Colombia. I don't know who he is, but he seems to like singing to me.

The lady placed me into a bright yellow swirling tunnel and gently pushed me away from her. I saw myself disappearing towards the end. I was actually waving to myself as I did so and emerged on the Giza plateau in Egypt. I was standing by the Pyramids and the Sphinx.

I was laying on my back with my eyes open staring at the roof when I saw my husband past me and walk over to one of the group and he had a blue shiny bottle in his left hand with a hexagon base. I looked to my left and my husband was still lying on his mat fast asleep journeying with his back to me. I looked again to where I had first seen the other person he went to, and he was not there! Then another man in our group suddenly stood up staring at the empty mat and he was in the position we do when being covered in incense before a ceremony, arms out stretched and legs slightly apart. A bright white light was all around him and I was struggling to cope with the brightness of it all.

One of the ladies from our group appeared and I saw just her face and she said she knew that I hardly ever recycle as I am lazy, but she began to wave her finger at me and said that I must do it from now on as we are damaging the planet. I was a bit startled to see her, but just listened and took it on board anyway, feeling a little bit guilty as she was spot on!

My journey finished with overwhelming peace and tranquillity, albeit I was exhausted by the fear and panic I had witnessed, I was feeling lucky to be alive and that somehow I had been given another chance.

I did not purge all night and the day after was in a bit of a state of shock due to the demons and snakes I had seen the night before. I was a bit depressed all day and kept crying and I kept thinking about what all I had been shown actually meant and why did the lady put me through such hell.

My Second Journey - Out with the old, in with the new...

My second journey was in the day time and I settled down on my mat to await what was to be. It started off with a feeling of dizziness, followed by me walking into a dark room where a person was sitting on a black wall. This person was all red and had their back to me, head in hands. A trusting, sweet lady's voice said, "Come in little girl, I will show you something." I replied, "What do you want to show me?" Then this person turned round and shouted in an angry voice which sounded very deep, gruff and manly ... "THE DEVIL!!" He turned his head and grinned at me with very large teeth, horns and a huge red face and I was absolutely terrified. He was laughing at me!

I was so scared I ran off into another room and was immediately thrown to the ground. I was on all fours with my head in my hands curled up as I was beaten with canes and kicked all over the place. I felt so much pain and was told that this was all the pain I had ever caused others in my life and now I had to feel what it was like. I crawled off on all fours into a dark tunnel in pain, panicking like hell and struggling to breathe.

I opened my eyes and I was up on all fours on my mat thinking that this was the end of me. My heart was pounding in my chest and I still could not breathe. It felt like a panic attack, and I really thought I was going to die.

I turned round to see the Shaman attending to a lady who needed him across the room. I knew I was on my own, and had to ride this storm as someone needed him more than me. I must have been making noises as the Shaman's wife suddenly jumped up, faced towards me and started to rattle instruments. She was smiling and looked so bright in her yellow dress, she soothed me back to sleep.

I was now standing in another dark room. Suddenly bright orange demonic faces appeared out of the darkness towards my face. I asked who they were and one by one they told me who they were. One was my vanity, my greed, my jealousy, my envy, my stupidity and so on. As soon as they had told me who they were they moved aside to let the other introduce themselves. I was told I could go with them now or turn around and walk out of the door.

I walked out of the door and cried my heart out, feeling a worthless piece of rag.

I saw my brain transparent in my skull in front of me, and it turned bright red and orange. It then started to grow and my own head felt so hot and I felt it explode which was painful, but all the time this was happening I kept getting a message that room was being created for more information and to let it all go. A grey gremlin type alien was working with a tool in each hand on top of my skull, which I could still see in front of me. My brain had returned to normal and he was laughing in this really silly laugh. I in return started to laugh and asked what he was doing. He said through his laughter, I am putting back your sense of humour!

The Shaman jumped into my journey again as the Jaguar and he was looking at me. He then started to gently rotate in front of me.

A wave of absolute peace came over me and I saw a lady's face appear but she kept changing. Each face was so beautiful and I told her so. The last face was the one of the resident masseuse who practices Reiki and she was smiling at me saying, "Susie, do not be afraid" I was so happy to see her.

I floated to a beautiful place by the lady holding my hand where I could see all the universe, stars and the moon. I asked to see my mother from this lady and then I was sat down on a bench under a tree holding hands with a woman with long blonde curly hair and bright blue eyes. I said she was not my mother as my mother had dark hair, eyes and skin. She replied that she was, as this is what she now looks like in the other dimension. She pointed to the stars and told me that my grandfather was in that direction and she pointed to another area and said that was where my step-grandmother was. She told me that we may not be together in the other dimensions and that I had to tell the group to redeem themselves now as it depends on what we are like in this world.

Incidently, my step grandmother was quite a nasty person when she was in this world, so it was not surprising that she was not with my grandfather.

She told me that my husband, children and myself were going to live a long time. Then she showed me faces of my husband and she told me a message for him. She told me a message for a friend and then I was transported back to medieval times and I actually saw Henry the Eighth with really red hair! I was on top of his castle wall looking down on the people below, a bit like a scene out of the film 'Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves' except the reptilians were still around, in the castle, walking round the walls and the lady was telling me things all the time. She left after her last message for a dear friend who was not with us. I did get the shock of my life when I opened my eyes to see his son next to me though! The mat next to me was empty as his son was on a mat in another place when I first entered my journey, so how long he had been there I do not know.

After she had gone, four Native Indian chiefs appeared from the four directions with their faces covered with one arm and their other arms across their backs. I saw the coloured feathers on their heads and their headress beads were the same pattern as my beaded bracelet. They lined up in front of me and I asked who they were. One replied that they could be who I wanted them to be. Did I want them to be my teachers and listen to them or to my own stupidity? I felt like I was a little girl being told off, so I just listened.

They told me to stop worrying like I do all the time, they told me that I have been given another chance and my pain has now gone. They told me that the earth, stars, universe belongs to us all. They told me to appreciate the joy of having a new life now and that I must stop crying for my mother and feeling sorry for myself due to the childhood I had. The past is gone and I must live for the future.

They told me I was a special person. As all this was going on I felt like I was not worthy to be told all this or visited by these people. They also told me that our Shaman was very tired and that I had no need to have any healing from him as they had healed me and I was free. They said that because I had opened my heart to them they accepted me. They told me to go now and live with my new peace.

After they had left my vision, the whole place turned into an Indian camp. I saw people of all ages, children, dogs, fires, wigwams etc. I knew the four grandfathers were still there as I could feel them and the whole place was filled with this wonderful energy. I could feel the spirits all around.

When I woke my beaded bracelet which had been tied four times was hanging loose by one single tie. I slipped it onto my right hand and as I did so I felt a bolt of something like electricity run up my left arm and saw red sparks crackle from the bracelet. Also there was a small fresh clean cut on the underside of my left thumb, like a perfectly straight paper cut. I do not know how it got there as I had not walked about all night.

I still did not purge that night, and the day after I felt so glad to be alive!

My Third Journey (Not!)

I was all ready for my last journey, laying on my mat waiting for the others to arrive. I suddenly got a strange feeling that there was a bit of bad energy floating around the place I was in, yet it was nothing to do with the few people who were in there at the time. I felt really depressed and it was as if the atmosphere had gone flat. I could sense something was wrong, but was not sure what it was. I felt an emptiness around the place and had a feeling that there were some entities in the place with us that were not nice. It felt like I was part of a circular chain and the chain had been broken.

My husband arrived and told me that he was still not able to go through another ceremony and something made me jump up, collect my things and swiftly vacate the place.

My husband had been having messages all day telling him he was not to drink that night as it was not right. He had agreed to turn up and drink just a little so he could be there for me, just enough to "put him under"

We went back to our bungalow and talked. He said that a few of our tribe had gone out into the town and we decided to try to find them. Once we did, it was like a wave of warm energy blew towards me on seeing them. One asked why I was looking so down and I replied that I did not think I was looking like that. However, once he had said that the "chain being broken" feeling came again, but quickly passed.

* * * *

During the workshop we took part in a North American Indian Lakota tobacco tying tradition where you put tobacco and an intention into different coloured pieces of cloth and tie them in a row on a string in a certain order.

I was sitting on a mat with a person on either side of me, and I don't know why, but I had to go outside as I began to feel dizzy, my ears could hear a high pitched hum and my hands started shaking before we started and I had to go outside. I was physically sick in a bush.

Why this was so I do not know, but I have learned that the plant has given me a form of sensitivity which I cannot explain. Maybe she has given me a gift.

On the way off the plane from Sao Paulo to London Heathrow I was approached by a Customs Official as soon as I had put one foot on English soil. As he was asking me various questions he looked into my eyes and I purposely maintained direct eye contact with him. His eyes pierced into mine. He bent down with his head on one side till his face was a couple of inches off mine and it was like he was reading me. So I read him. He had very dark eyes and I saw the evil in them. I was not afraid but I saw right through into his soul. I was a bit miffed not only that he had singled me out of the group whilst I was in a great hurry to catch my next plane, but also because I was sad that there are people on this planet who take joy in trying to intimidate others with such black hearts.

After I had collected my luggage we ran to the train to the next terminal. If we had not passed a lady from our tribe who raised her hand at us waving as we ran along, I would not have noticed that this very same man had been watching us from a short distance. He looked at me directly again with his arms folded and again I noticed his eyes.

I smiled sweetly to his face, wondering if I had, at last, come face to face with a reptilian .....

Colombia 2008

I also drank Ayahuasca at the end of February 2008 and this time was in Colombia. There were six of us, as well as the Shaman and his two assistants.

Again this was organised by a wonderful man who is so kind, and the Heart of the Initiate team.

We stayed with a nice family who had a lovely old Chow dog called Gonzo; the relevance to his mentioning will become clearer later.

The ceremonies took place in the on site maloca which was a very peaceful place but with very strong energy vibes as I found out later. We also took part in two Inipi sweat lodge ceremonies.

This is a true account of my experiences

The First Journey - The Magical Maloca

When I drank Aya in Brazil, I asked many questions of the plant. Some of the answers I got straight away, others months later. This time I decided to allow the Goddess to show me what she thought I needed to know. The Aya medicine was mixed in a way as to be like treacle. So you had to take it from a spoon, put it in your mouth then swallow the ball of goo in one gulp. Then after you had mastered that, you had to lick the spoon clean. This left you with sticky lips and black teeth! Some of the group cheated with toothpaste tucked away to rub on their teeth to take the taste away as well as tiny sweets to do the same (You know who you are, you wimps!)

One of our tribe got food poisoning the day of this ceremony, but the Shaman let them join in without drinking as he was fast asleep on his mat feeling very ill.

I drifted off

First I saw three people come walking towards me wearing black plain robes, with black pointed hoods. Then I was shown the circular roof of the maloca but it was not the same as when I entered it, it had wooden carvings all around it and I floated all the way around looking at it all.

Someone picked up my left wrist very gently and looked at the beaded bracelet I was wearing for a while then put my wrist back down on the mat, again really gently. A Shaman appeared with long straight black hair in a pony tail which was tied halfway down his back. He was also wearing white robes and a white hat kneeling next to our friend who was ill. He was fast asleep but I saw this Shaman fanning leaves over him and could see him chanting but there was no sound. It was not the Shaman we had sitting in the maloca

Gonzo the Chow dog then appeared beside me, and turned into a white wolf with bright blue eyes so I began to stroke him and he was happy, telling me he was once as I see him now. He also told me to take his senses and see how he sees the world for a while.

Then he ran off into the woods and as he did a white horse ran out from the trees galloping very fast right past me.

A massive glass pyramid was the next vision with light behind it so that all the colours of the rainbow shone through it. I saw my husband walk towards this pyramid and he was looking up at it as he did so. He disappeared and a black silhouette appeared inside it, but I could not see who it was. Then I got the message that 2012 was coming.

Every flag of every country of the world appeared before my eyes in a circular motion and I saw them all as if I was in some sort of arena. Hordes of people came walking past me, looking at me. Some were normal looking but with others their faces changed so that they had snake eyes and crocodile teeth. They were followed by hordes of soldiers in military gear carrying machine guns; they wore black berets with camouflage gear and big black boots.

Visions of severed heads I saw, some with hatchets in them, women and men of all races and cultures, with blood running down their faces. I saw mutilated children and babies in plastic bags struggling to breathe. The message I got was that we are being controlled and that life is precious and we should not butcher and kill each other. Whether this was the wolves that were ever present by my side telling me or something else I do not know.

The last things I saw were four black snakes with the eyes of a big cat along with bees on a tree branch working together. Then that pyramid came again with a bright blue eye above it with light all around.

The image of that pyramid was in my eyes long after my journey was over, even whilst I was back in my lodge dozing off to sleep, and it was still there the morning after I had slept.

The Second Journey - Playing With Wolves

This time we all decided it would be easier to swallow the Ayahuasca if it was in liquid form. So the Shaman made us a liquid brew as some of our group were having difficulty getting the syrupy stuff down, as I mentioned before.

I went back to my mat, pillows and blankets waiting to see what I would be shown, trying not to vomit and breathing deeply through my mouth to change the direction of the “I want to throw up”feeling (Which incidentally works)

I had changed places with one of our tribe as he said he was in a “spooky spot” so he just asked me to go on his spot to see what would happen.

Gonzo appeared next to me and I stroked his head. He then took me out of the door and down a path outside the maloca to a clearing in the jungle. Wolves appeared from every angle, beautiful creatures with blue eyes. Gonzo was watching from a small hill looking down. I was playing with the wolves and the feeling was fantastic. I was so happy and elated. When I woke up for a short spell I was on my back sprawled out on my mat with my arms out either side of me bathed in a warm glow.

I turned onto my tummy with my head downwards, then became aware of footsteps walking round my mat. At first I thought it was the Shaman’s assistant who was walking round at intervals wafting incense over us, but there was no-one there when I turned and looked, neither was the assistant. Puzzled, I decided to turn back onto my tummy, head down.

Next I heard the chant of a Shaman. It was not our Shaman as the voice was very very deep. It was like a very very deep “Whey-hey-hey” sound. I could feel his warm breath on the back of my head. My Aya buddies reading this will know the voice of our Shaman, and it definitely was not him! The voice was right over the back of my neck. I turned again to look and there was no-one there and our Shaman was playing a harmonica anyway at the other side of the maloca.

I thought I had better get my head down again as I was intrigued to hear this man again. As soon as I did he began blowing on the back of my head and making the same noise.

My next vision was of a little girl with dark brown hair but I could not see her face. She was sat cross legged in front of some sort of temple beckoning me to go to her swinging her right arm towards me then back to her, saying “Come here, come here” There was an arch behind her but as I went to go up the steps the footsteps round my mat came again and the wolves were all around me. I awoke again and sat up watching our Shaman who was in deep thought across the room. From behind me came the same deep voice “Es bueno?” (It’s good?) I spun my head round to see no-one, then back to our Shaman who was still in the same spot. By this time I thought I was going a bit mad hearing voices so I decided to lie down again and try to sleep.

The last thing I saw was the glass pyramid again with the rainbow colours shining through it, then the Shaman’s assistant came over to my mat……

Incidentally, the person who I had exchanged places with also saw the cross legged girl beckoning to him saying exactly the same thing to him as she did me, and he also heard footsteps round his mat as well as seeing the black robed figures with pointed black hoods, except they came through the door and were behind each other not in a line as I saw them. This I found out after the ceremony was over.

My Healing Ceremony in Colombia

As I was coming away from my second journey the Shaman’s assistant came to me to ask if I wanted to have a healing. I agreed and followed her to the Shaman, and sat on a wooden log after being told to look at the fire before me.

He started to heal me by chanting with his fan of leaves, blowing tobacco all over me whilst chanting and using crystals on my head. None of this I can actually remember but I was told what had happened the day after by the others. All I could hear was the Shaman’s voice and all I saw was the fire as well as heard the music which was a didgeridoo played by his other assistant.

I was also told that a very loud thunderstorm started as soon as my healing began and the others said that the maloca was shaking. The storm ended when my healing did. All I felt was my body shaking uncontrollably and after he was done I felt like a million bricks had been lifted from my body and mind. I walked back to my mat in a bit of a daze but feeling absolutely fantastic.

The others also told me the day after, that the Shaman was deep in thought when he suddenly pointed his finger at me and told his assistant to go and fetch me to him. It was as if he knew what I needed.

A couple of days after the second ceremony we were allowed to ask of the Shaman anything we wanted. I asked him if he saw other Shaman during ceremonies and healing, because I had seen and heard them. He said he called on the Grandfathers during the ceremonies and healings for assistance. He also said that he saw them often and was very firm with his answer.

I am now of the opinion that the Shaman with the deep voice who came to me the same night that I received my healing was there to help our Shaman.

Another strange thing happened during this healing too. I was involved in a car accident in 1994 in which our car was bashed into from the back. When I went to hospital for an X ray on my neck arthritis was detected in the top two bones of my spine, nothing to do with the accident of course, but the Doctor said it was unusual to find it in a woman of my age.

As the years have gone by I have had trouble with this especially with getting comfy to be able to sleep. I have tried the usual one pillow, two pillows, no pillows system, changed to new beds, usual conventional pills and potions to no avail. I have had an ache down the left side of my neck to my shoulder for years as well as an ache where the bones actually are.

Towards the end of my healing, the Shaman decided to sit behind me and began to prod these bones at the back of my neck saying "Ah ah" He then started to closely talk to them in some language I did not understand whilst still prodding.

He went exactly to the right spot. I was amazed at how he knew what was there, because only I knew and I certainly did not tell him. He began to stroke his fan of leaves down the correct side which was giving me problems from the side of neck to my shoulder whilst still talking.

How the hell he knew I do not know, but afterwards all the pain had gone. I still have the grinding in the bones when I turn my head, but the ache from my neck to my shoulder has completely gone.

First Inipi Sweat Lodge

For those of you who do not know what one of these is, the sweat lodge consists of an open domed structure made of bamboo tied with red bands, with a space for a door. Thick woollen blankets are thrown over it in a certain way and large and smaller stones are baked in an adjacent fire of willow branches until red hot then put in a hole in the middle of the structure.

Obviously the thick blankets keep the heat in, and you sit in it, stark naked whilst the steam from the stones after the Shaman has chucked water on them hits your bare body. As once of our tribe says “It kinda bakes the Ayahauasca in”

The ceremony is conducted by the Shaman and his assistant, who chant and sing and it is a very beautiful ceremony. Each time the water is thrown on the fire it creates steam hotter than a sauna and the ceremony is actually a re-birthing process whereas you are in the dark as you would be in your mother’s womb and you emerge a new person. It is a ritual which was performed by the Lakota tribes from centuries ago.

At intervals the door is opened and the steam is let out.

I entered the lodge with my towel round me and once in my spot sat there in the buff. Another woman was with me, as well as the Shaman and his female assistant. The door was covered after the stones were put into the hole from the adjacent fire with a pitch fork brought especially from America by one of our group. Apparently they do not have them in Colombia, maybe because they do not have hay.

As the ceremony started I felt the nastiest energy in the lodge. My heart began to bang really hard in my chest and I could hear it pounding. I could not breathe despite breathing through my mouth as I was told to do so. I started to panic really bad and really tried to keep myself under control. The Shaman was trying to help me calm down but it was no use. I was wrapped in some form of bad energy which would not let me relax. You may think that this was just maybe some form of panic attack, but it was not just the panic symptoms, it was like there was something bad inside the pit of my tummy that would not come out. It even stopped me from crying out.

I began to quietly ask if I could leave, but they just kept telling me to try to relax which I really tried to. After two openings of the door the Shaman said I could leave if I wanted to. I crawled to the door like a rag doll with a purple face, asked one of our tribe manning the door blankets to take my hand to help me stand as I could not move and staggered to my feet.

I sat down and started to cry and I could not stop myself, I felt so sick I almost threw up. The heavy brick in my tummy sank back down. The heat was nothing to what my other feelings were. The Shaman came to me afterwards and said that there was a very bad energy inside me, but he said that having two door openings from the ceremony would have helped it nearer the surface. I explained that as a child I was put in our dark cellar as punishment and he said the bad energy from those experiences did not want to come out as it was too deep inside. It wanted to stay put but it had to be out of me as it was no good.

On reflection, I think I now know why he randomly selected me for healing the second time we drank as he knew I had some baggage that I had to be rid of.

I did feel a bit of a wimp for not being able to stay throughout the whole Inipi ceremony but it was if I was possessed by something that wanted me to get out of it as if something did not want me to be cleansed.

Second Inipi Sweat Lodge

This was after my healing with the Shaman and I still could not bring myself to take part in the ceremony, but there again this could be that I now felt I no longer needed it to be honest. The Shaman just asked me if I would help with both the women’s and the men’s ceremonies and did not ask if I would be taking part as if he knew the reasons anyway. His eyes tend to be reading you in some way. So I helped with the blankets and the door for both. It was quite amusing listening to the sounds that were coming from inside with the men.

He also asked me to blow the incense on the women and men as they entered. I felt like I was chosen.

However, this ceremony was very intense and as I was at the door side of the Shaman (where he asked me to stand) I could feel energy being released each time the door blankets were thrown back. Even the Shaman said that the stones were very powerful that day. At one point the vibes nearly knocked me over, but it was the good stuff and you got the feeling that the tribe inside were glowing with good and all was well.