Brazil 2008 - Lessons to be learned

I was given another chance to go to the Heart Of The Initiate Workshop in Brazil in September. There were to be three Ayahuasca Ceremonies in the week I was there.

I managed two....

Before I actually went to this workshop this time I was having dreams that I was in for a bit of a rough ride. All my last journeys had been so gentle and it seemed I was getting a message of, "Right lady, I have been very gentle with you so far, now is the time for you to see for yourself who you really are"

Read on .........

My First Journey - Snakes & Demons

My first journey began with a feeling of fear and panic. I was confronted by various demons of various colours and horrible faces holding snakes of all shapes and sizes. One decided to put a blue snake up my right nostril which then ran amok in my head, and I felt every squiggle. All this time I was struggling to breathe and decided that this was what it must feel like to die. With a pounding heart I decided not to call the Shaman as I thought it was best that I see what I was meant to see.

The Shaman arrived as The Jaguar, he jumped right into my journey, looked at me and faded away. Such a beautiful animal.

I had no need to call the Shaman as my next vision was one of seeing him in a beautiful place with trees, flowers, grass and rivers. He was sitting cross legged on the grass playing his drums. He began to shift all over the place like he was in a square television screen. It was like he was moving between dimensions. Sometimes he was near to my face, others he was far away. At one point he was so small I could not see him and then he disappeared and it was pitch black, and the music stopped. It went deathly silent.

I was getting very panicky now in the darkness as I was blind, deaf and speechless. I was waving my arms around trying to cry out for help, thinking "Where was the music?" I knew I had to go to the music for help. A bright avenue of trees opened up and I ran down it, past the trees and it was all bright and I could hear the music again. I felt so relieved, I started to cry.

I was transported back in time to some medieval castle walls where I saw military guards carrying machine guns. They had reptilian heads and I was told by the whispering lady that they control everything and they have been around for a very long time. I saw an ancient prison with dungeons, and they were walking up and down in it. I heard the clanking doors behind me as I walked through

I heard the lady singing and she whispered my name into my left ear. Her voice was lovely and she made me feel very safe. She picked me up in her arms and I felt really loved. In my other ear was the singing of a Shaman, and not the one that was with us, with a very deep voice. He was singing the familiar "Way-ay-ay-ay" I had first heard him before in Colombia. I don't know who he is, but he seems to like singing to me.

The lady placed me into a bright yellow swirling tunnel and gently pushed me away from her. I saw myself disappearing towards the end. I was actually waving to myself as I did so and emerged on the Giza plateau in Egypt. I was standing by the Pyramids and the Sphinx.

I was laying on my back with my eyes open staring at the roof when I saw my husband past me and walk over to one of the group and he had a blue shiny bottle in his left hand with a hexagon base. I looked to my left and my husband was still lying on his mat fast asleep journeying with his back to me. I looked again to where I had first seen the other person he went to, and he was not there! Then another man in our group suddenly stood up staring at the empty mat and he was in the position we do when being covered in incense before a ceremony, arms out stretched and legs slightly apart. A bright white light was all around him and I was struggling to cope with the brightness of it all.

One of the ladies from our group appeared and I saw just her face and she said she knew that I hardly ever recycle as I am lazy, but she began to wave her finger at me and said that I must do it from now on as we are damaging the planet. I was a bit startled to see her, but just listened and took it on board anyway, feeling a little bit guilty as she was spot on!

My journey finished with overwhelming peace and tranquillity, albeit I was exhausted by the fear and panic I had witnessed, I was feeling lucky to be alive and that somehow I had been given another chance.

I did not purge all night and the day after was in a bit of a state of shock due to the demons and snakes I had seen the night before. I was a bit depressed all day and kept crying and I kept thinking about what all I had been shown actually meant and why did the lady put me through such hell.

My Second Journey - Out with the old, in with the new...

My second journey was in the day time and I settled down on my mat to await what was to be. It started off with a feeling of dizziness, followed by me walking into a dark room where a person was sitting on a black wall. This person was all red and had their back to me, head in hands. A trusting, sweet lady's voice said, "Come in little girl, I will show you something." I replied, "What do you want to show me?" Then this person turned round and shouted in an angry voice which sounded very deep, gruff and manly ... "THE DEVIL!!" He turned his head and grinned at me with very large teeth, horns and a huge red face and I was absolutely terrified. He was laughing at me!

I was so scared I ran off into another room and was immediately thrown to the ground. I was on all fours with my head in my hands curled up as I was beaten with canes and kicked all over the place. I felt so much pain and was told that this was all the pain I had ever caused others in my life and now I had to feel what it was like. I crawled off on all fours into a dark tunnel in pain, panicking like hell and struggling to breathe.

I opened my eyes and I was up on all fours on my mat thinking that this was the end of me. My heart was pounding in my chest and I still could not breathe. It felt like a panic attack, and I really thought I was going to die.

I turned round to see the Shaman attending to a lady who needed him across the room. I knew I was on my own, and had to ride this storm as someone needed him more than me. I must have been making noises as the Shaman's wife suddenly jumped up, faced towards me and started to rattle instruments. She was smiling and looked so bright in her yellow dress, she soothed me back to sleep.

I was now standing in another dark room. Suddenly bright orange demonic faces appeared out of the darkness towards my face. I asked who they were and one by one they told me who they were. One was my vanity, my greed, my jealousy, my envy, my stupidity and so on. As soon as they had told me who they were they moved aside to let the other introduce themselves. I was told I could go with them now or turn around and walk out of the door.

I walked out of the door and cried my heart out, feeling a worthless piece of rag.

I saw my brain transparent in my skull in front of me, and it turned bright red and orange. It then started to grow and my own head felt so hot and I felt it explode which was painful, but all the time this was happening I kept getting a message that room was being created for more information and to let it all go. A grey gremlin type alien was working with a tool in each hand on top of my skull, which I could still see in front of me. My brain had returned to normal and he was laughing in this really silly laugh. I in return started to laugh and asked what he was doing. He said through his laughter, I am putting back your sense of humour!

The Shaman jumped into my journey again as the Jaguar and he was looking at me. He then started to gently rotate in front of me.

A wave of absolute peace came over me and I saw a lady's face appear but she kept changing. Each face was so beautiful and I told her so. The last face was the one of the resident masseuse who practices Reiki and she was smiling at me saying, "Susie, do not be afraid" I was so happy to see her.

I floated to a beautiful place by the lady holding my hand where I could see all the universe, stars and the moon. I asked to see my mother from this lady and then I was sat down on a bench under a tree holding hands with a woman with long blonde curly hair and bright blue eyes. I said she was not my mother as my mother had dark hair, eyes and skin. She replied that she was, as this is what she now looks like in the other dimension. She pointed to the stars and told me that my grandfather was in that direction and she pointed to another area and said that was where my step-grandmother was. She told me that we may not be together in the other dimensions and that I had to tell the group to redeem themselves now as it depends on what we are like in this world.

Incidently, my step grandmother was quite a nasty person when she was in this world, so it was not surprising that she was not with my grandfather.

She told me that my husband, children and myself were going to live a long time. Then she showed me faces of my husband and she told me a message for him. She told me a message for a friend and then I was transported back to medieval times and I actually saw Henry the Eighth with really red hair! I was on top of his castle wall looking down on the people below, a bit like a scene out of the film 'Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves' except the reptilians were still around, in the castle, walking round the walls and the lady was telling me things all the time. She left after her last message for a dear friend who was not with us. I did get the shock of my life when I opened my eyes to see his son next to me though! The mat next to me was empty as his son was on a mat in another place when I first entered my journey, so how long he had been there I do not know.

After she had gone, four Native Indian chiefs appeared from the four directions with their faces covered with one arm and their other arms across their backs. I saw the coloured feathers on their heads and their headress beads were the same pattern as my beaded bracelet. They lined up in front of me and I asked who they were. One replied that they could be who I wanted them to be. Did I want them to be my teachers and listen to them or to my own stupidity? I felt like I was a little girl being told off, so I just listened.

They told me to stop worrying like I do all the time, they told me that I have been given another chance and my pain has now gone. They told me that the earth, stars, universe belongs to us all. They told me to appreciate the joy of having a new life now and that I must stop crying for my mother and feeling sorry for myself due to the childhood I had. The past is gone and I must live for the future.

They told me I was a special person. As all this was going on I felt like I was not worthy to be told all this or visited by these people. They also told me that our Shaman was very tired and that I had no need to have any healing from him as they had healed me and I was free. They said that because I had opened my heart to them they accepted me. They told me to go now and live with my new peace.

After they had left my vision, the whole place turned into an Indian camp. I saw people of all ages, children, dogs, fires, wigwams etc. I knew the four grandfathers were still there as I could feel them and the whole place was filled with this wonderful energy. I could feel the spirits all around.

When I woke my beaded bracelet which had been tied four times was hanging loose by one single tie. I slipped it onto my right hand and as I did so I felt a bolt of something like electricity run up my left arm and saw red sparks crackle from the bracelet. Also there was a small fresh clean cut on the underside of my left thumb, like a perfectly straight paper cut. I do not know how it got there as I had not walked about all night.

I still did not purge that night, and the day after I felt so glad to be alive!

My Third Journey (Not!)

I was all ready for my last journey, laying on my mat waiting for the others to arrive. I suddenly got a strange feeling that there was a bit of bad energy floating around the place I was in, yet it was nothing to do with the few people who were in there at the time. I felt really depressed and it was as if the atmosphere had gone flat. I could sense something was wrong, but was not sure what it was. I felt an emptiness around the place and had a feeling that there were some entities in the place with us that were not nice. It felt like I was part of a circular chain and the chain had been broken.

My husband arrived and told me that he was still not able to go through another ceremony and something made me jump up, collect my things and swiftly vacate the place.

My husband had been having messages all day telling him he was not to drink that night as it was not right. He had agreed to turn up and drink just a little so he could be there for me, just enough to "put him under"

We went back to our bungalow and talked. He said that a few of our tribe had gone out into the town and we decided to try to find them. Once we did, it was like a wave of warm energy blew towards me on seeing them. One asked why I was looking so down and I replied that I did not think I was looking like that. However, once he had said that the "chain being broken" feeling came again, but quickly passed.

* * * *

During the workshop we took part in a North American Indian Lakota tobacco tying tradition where you put tobacco and an intention into different coloured pieces of cloth and tie them in a row on a string in a certain order.

I was sitting on a mat with a person on either side of me, and I don't know why, but I had to go outside as I began to feel dizzy, my ears could hear a high pitched hum and my hands started shaking before we started and I had to go outside. I was physically sick in a bush.

Why this was so I do not know, but I have learned that the plant has given me a form of sensitivity which I cannot explain. Maybe she has given me a gift.

On the way off the plane from Sao Paulo to London Heathrow I was approached by a Customs Official as soon as I had put one foot on English soil. As he was asking me various questions he looked into my eyes and I purposely maintained direct eye contact with him. His eyes pierced into mine. He bent down with his head on one side till his face was a couple of inches off mine and it was like he was reading me. So I read him. He had very dark eyes and I saw the evil in them. I was not afraid but I saw right through into his soul. I was a bit miffed not only that he had singled me out of the group whilst I was in a great hurry to catch my next plane, but also because I was sad that there are people on this planet who take joy in trying to intimidate others with such black hearts.

After I had collected my luggage we ran to the train to the next terminal. If we had not passed a lady from our tribe who raised her hand at us waving as we ran along, I would not have noticed that this very same man had been watching us from a short distance. He looked at me directly again with his arms folded and again I noticed his eyes.

I smiled sweetly to his face, wondering if I had, at last, come face to face with a reptilian .....