My third Ayahuasca journey – Seeing the future


Abreaction is a process of regression back to the situation or source of a problem or trauma. This process allows you to relive the experience to gain new understanding and insight enabling resolution or closure. The frequent result is a liberation from guilt or fear might have bound you. The process often results in re-evaluation of your life course with strong tendency and resolution to pursue positive changes to improve your life with renewed purpose and mission.

After my last journey I spent all the day after trying to make sense of it all. My past life had flown away past my ears and I felt like a little girl again but this time I was a happy one. I used to get angry with my mother for dying and leaving me, then feel guilty and tell her that I loved her; I’d get angry with God for letting it happen to me, testing his power by asking him to make it stop as he had the power to do so. When he didn’t, I used to yell at him all the more. I also got angry with myself for not speaking out.


I tried to think about my past childhood as some sort of mind test and yes, it was there but I now had a new attitude to it all. It was a case of “It happened, now it’s gone, it’s over” I felt no emotional pain, no sadness, no anger and no bitterness towards my past or the people responsible anymore.


So as I knew this night was to be our last Ayahuasca ceremony I was dubious about taking part. I felt that maybe I had been shown all there was to see and I was cured. Was there any more to see or learn? Were there any more questions I needed to ask her? I pondered about this all day and something told me to journey once more…


Again we went through the usual ritual and I once again whispered into my cup after the Shaman. I drifted off to sleep this time and started to see beads of various bright colours and a hissing noise in my ears. A snake appeared from the right hand side of my visionary field and he was black with an outline of dark green. I smiled at him and I knew he meant me no harm, he was looking at me through one eye at the side of his head, but his eye was not a snake’s eye. It was orangey yellow and the pupil was a black slit like a big cats. His black forked tongue was poking out but did not move. I watched him for a while and in the background I saw a bright pink snake being swallowed by a bright yellow snake.


I asked again to see my ancestors. Being a person with very dark eyes, hair and skin I have always wondered about my ancestry. I tan very easily, have never been sunburned and can cope with extreme heat temperatures. So I asked the Madre again if she could tell me for sure who my ancestors were.


I was taken to a hut where I saw four short in stature people who had black straight hair, tanned skin with grey cloths around their bottom bits. I did not see their faces but they were hanging by their necks from ropes from the roof. I was not shocked by this but knew I was somehow related to these people. I did not wonder at the time why they had been strung up like that or by whom but it was one of the first things on my mind when I awoke.


I saw a big fly next but it had long spider legs, I told the Goddess not to show me anything scary so it disappeared.


I asked her if I could see my mother again. I was taken down some wooden steps to a glass display case. It was like then ones where you look at animals in a zoo where the glass is at the top and stonework to the bottom. My father aged around 19 was in there (He was 19 when he got me) He had the hairstyle of the 1960’s with the quaff and Brylcreem and he was wearing an orange shirt. I could only see his head and shoulders. In the display with him were people in various stages of death and decay. Some were crinkly and grey, some were decomposed, some were skin and bone and others were just plain skulls.


I felt nothing when I saw this sight, just curiousity. I asked again to see my mother. She showed me an alien mother who was transparent surrounded by a brilliant white light. The mother was holding a baby alien, the miniature of herself and it was really cute! I could see all the veins and arteries under the skin and head of this baby. I could feel nothing but love all around me.


So as I thought I was not going to be allowed to see my mother, I asked what the future holds for my sons, and named them. For the eldest the reply I got was another brilliant white light, an arch and a bride and groom appearing through both walking towards me. The groom was my eldest son in a morning suit, the bride was in white with a veil covering her facial features. My womb swelled up and felt very warm and I was conscious of a baby in it, I knew the feeling well due to past experience of course.


I remember feeling a little panicky at this stage due to my age but she told me it was my first grandchild. I asked if the baby would be a boy or a girl and I was shown the genital organs of a baby girl along with a bright pink flower whose species I cannot name. I was ecstatic by now at this news and asked about my second son. I was shown a yellow path which was winding into the sun. Bright different coloured pebbles appeared and were dropped down the middle of the path one by one, like the lines on a road. I was told he would be going on a journey but a happy one.


A woman’s arm appeared from the right before my eyes and her hand was clenched around a glass. In it was a red and white packet of cigarettes. It was not an English pack but the soft top variety and I could see a few sticking out. I was just about to take one when her hand crushed the pack and the glass disappeared. Next she made me listen to my breathing very loudly and I could hear every wheeze and gurgle amplified in my ears. I told her I had got the message!


Two pyramids were next to be seen one on top of the other point to point. The lower one was made of sand coloured square bricks and the top one was clear glass. The glass one was teetering like it was going to fall at any moment.


I did not understand that so again I asked to see my mother, and if she did not want to show me I would understand it was not to be. I did not see her but an absolutely massive bright light appeared before me and I felt my mother’s love. I knew she was there watching me and I was wrapped in the most wonderful shroud of love and happiness. I felt her arms around me and I felt so safe.

I bolted upright and was crying my heart out (again) and whispered “Thank You” to the Goddess for allowing me to feel my mother’s love once again.

Now I have peace

Borrowing the words of a wonderful man who I met at the workshop "This could put many a psycho-analyst out of business"